In Sickness and In Health

I reflect on the meaning of love and commitment when a beautiful example shines into my patient assignment.

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“…in sickness and in health.”

We’ve heard that vow many times before whether on screen in movies, or IRL at an actual wedding. My mind often drifts back to the concept of love because my definition and understanding of it is in perpetual evolution. In short: I have no idea what the fuck love is.

I’ve been single trying to determine what love is since March 2020 and today, I’d like to add something I’ve seen at work, but never thought too deeply of, to the list of “what love means to me.”

Let’s give a special shout-out to *drumroll* patient spouses.

I had a 29 year old patient the other day. Twenty-nine ! That’s my age. She elected to have a craniotomy with resection. Translation: she chose to have her skull opened and a piece of her brain taken out. This is her second time with us. Her husband, too. (Christ, she’s my age and she has a husband. Not unheard of at this age, just for me and my commitment-phobia lol.)

With neuro patients, you never know what will happen to the brain or the body post-surgery. Personality may change. Function may change. In spite of that, they went into this, together, without knowing with certainty what the outcome would be.

Could you still love someone knowing that the person you fell in love with may not be that same person when they come out of the OR?

Thankfully, she had no residual cognitive deficits. Her personality and way of thinking remained intact. But the left side of her body no longer had its baseline strength and mobility.

But what did have strength and mobility was their relationship. Their ability to adapt to a life change together. With it not being a “this is my journey, alone.” They’ve only been married a few short months, but they are fully living true to the vow of “in sickness and in health.”

Love is…asking your partner to come to your pre-op cat scan. Love is…him remembering and accompanying you to your post-op one. Love is…your partner helping you get dressed and washed up in the morning, even though before you could do it on your own. Love is…sleeping by your side throughout the night even though he has work in the morning. Love is…helping her make difficult decisions (such as this surgery) and supporting her decision and recovery throughout the process.

And I think about that.

And I thought to myself, I don’t want love if it’s not like that.

I don’t want love unless it’s you there, holding my hand at the bedside.

Doing the hard things with me when you or I change.

For better or for worse.

In sickness and in health.